The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
