you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
