I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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it glows. i had to have it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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