My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize