Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
