I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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