We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
