i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
