People in love make me want to vomit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
