My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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