We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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