Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
