I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
