I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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