He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
