...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
