U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
