I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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