I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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