Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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