Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
