Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
