I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
