I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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