last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
