Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
