She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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