I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
