I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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