Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im part way to drunk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
