So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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