How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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