At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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