this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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