"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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