roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
