I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...