Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off