he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts