Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?