she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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