About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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