we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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