But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
