It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize