Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My liver just had a heart attack.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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