six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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