): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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