I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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