nut hugger
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
