flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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