Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
