as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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