it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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