where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
