Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just found puke in my bra..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
