look no pants
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Quick, to the slutcave!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
