Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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