So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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